I wanted to complain about the heat today. But the temperature's dropped off and the breezes coming through my apartment are TKTKTK.

Do you know that trick?

I use "TKTKTK" to construct an air of TKTKTK. It's a placeholder. The letters signal that the perfect word will come to me eventually and I better not break my flow. I'll come back to it. Working in a newsroom taught me about the momentum of writing, how no single word is worth sacrificing flow. When I reread what I've written, "TKTKTK" may become clear. The word I couldn't grab might suddenly present itself. It might not. Sometimes what I'm trying to get at is unclear to me.

There's that worn-out Joan Didion quote about writing "to find out what I'm thinking" or whatever. It's a good quote but 50 years and millions of repetitions later, it almost ceases to mean anything. I hate how Didion's been repeated. I hate that I hate that. If I was really such a big fan, wouldn't I want the words (the wisdom) spread far?

I have these damn elitist thoughts like — Can a thought remain perfect once it's been diluted (repeated and disseminated)? Is something perfect only because it's pure? (Do you equate strength with intensity, too?) If I was having this conversation IRL with my mother (Hi, Mom!), she'd probably mention something about the "lowest common denominator," about how a thought/principle/value's value is somehow linked to its LCD appeal.

I guess if we're going a "Death of the Author" route (I'm sorry. Ugh, punch me if you don't know the reference.), then the audience's engagement does speak to the work's value. That it is not Didion herself which makes the thought worthwhile but how people engage with it. But I don't fuckin' know. That seems like a slippery slope for valuing education more than life experience or natural intelligence. I don't know if one is worth more than others. I just know that the three things tend to get convoluted and IMO it's rare (rare! rare! rare!) to meet someone with all three. Almost like that venn diagram meme "no one has all three".

I wanted to find a way to weave "TKTKTK" back into this post before ending but no natural tie-in is coming to mind. Perhaps when I read this back to myself, I'll TKTKTK...

Anyways, here are the vibes for the day (found, not owned):

Sayonara, suckers xx

© 2020 by Cailey Rizzo